I’m glad I’m writing this post because I think someone has to speak up for all men when it comes time to meet the girls family.
Ladies, help us out. Do you understand the stress and anxiety that us men have to go through to meet your family?
Meeting them for the first time can be compared to searching for a job during this horrid recession: you have to perform at 100% in each interaction with a potential decision maker.
Family members judge you - point blank. You need to win everyone over. Yes I mean everyone — even the dog. Rub the dog the wrong way and every time you visit, it will send warning signs to everyone that you’re not wanted. The dog is like the central security system, he’s the one who makes the loudest noise and can pee on you — don’t underestimate his power.
Leaving the dog tribulations aside, there is a lot of build up and pressures to the first family interaction. Do you sit down and mingle? Do you help out in the kitchen? Do you help serve the appetizers/food etc. Or do you attempt to play nice with the 3 brothers who just want to pound you in the face if they get any indication of you harming their sister.
For starters, I don’t want any surprises. I want this to go like clock-work. Based on what you tell me during our pre-briefing conversation, I want this to go smoothly. This stuff should be on auto-pilot. Any surprises that come out of cockpit such as your mother being allergic to the flowers that I bring her or your dad not liking people sitting in his chair will definitely be held against you. Guys don’t have an abort button, so we can’t leave early. If something goes wrong, we have no where to go. So please, let’s have an in-depth and thorough discussion on who all the key players are because every interaction with family members is going to be analysed and scrutinized for a while. Like if Aunty Betty is the gossiper of the bunch, let me handle her first before she goes off on a tantrum that I spoke to her second only after introducing myself to Uncle Barnibas. I’m going to hit Aunty Betty head on and tackle the moving freight train and glamour puss first.
Knowing who the key players are can only be part of the battle, I still need to talk to them. Topics of conversation can make me look like an asset or a liability. And a strong asset in this economy is something that many people want on their balance sheets. My plan is to spark some key conversations with your family to look educated, humourous, and caring. We need to talk about what things I can and cannot talk about. Never talk about what you do unless people ask you, that’s just boring talk. Being funny isn’t that hard. You just have to connect the dots, and besides how hard is it to make your older family members laugh? They seem to smile and laugh at everything! And being caring? Well that’s just included in the package because we know all guys are extremely caring…right ladies? 
If key players and topics of conversation aren’t enough, let’s get to the food part, because I’m starving. We need to work together on this and communicate as a team. You need to inform me if there are some things that I shouldn’t be eating. Odds are, I won’t recognize half of the stuff on the table and require a menu with detailed ingredients to understand what we’re going to be eating for dinner. Also there will have to be a briefing on portion sizing. I don’t want to be labelled as a person that doesn’t eat when your family considers 3 plates of food a normal sitting. I’ll space out my trips to the table and secretly put my food in a doggy bag if I have to show your folks that I can hold my own!
Whether it’s finding out who the right people are, thinking of the right things to say to your family without pissing anyone off or getting past the food pylon of the night, you can see how much pressure we have to go through in meeting your family. Cut us some slack and help us through it. That or at least don’t let the dog pee on us. That’s the least you can do.
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Part of being a man is not being a pussy. Instead of expecting your woman to save you at socially awkward times, *be a man* and act with confidence even if it doesn’t express what you are really feeling. This is a sure fire way to win respect from both her and her family.
This man claims to be able to seduce women within minutes. Comments? [website hidden]
@Dave Thanks for the comments! I think there are many men who fall into this situation.