Hello my name is Boris Giller and I’m one of the founders of eligon.ca, a dating site for executives. Most of our members are above 30 and so we’ve noticed a phenomenon that at first shocked me. In the beginning we had too many women and not enough men applying to the site. (We fixed it by advertising solely to men). Why was I shocked? I am in my late 20’s and my own experiences with the dating world combined with research reflected a different picture. I’ve witnessed a vast majority of guys on public dating sites that were targeted towards 20-30 year old singles. Girls on these sites were receiving 20-30 messages a day while most guys didn’t even get one message. So what happens to us after 30 to cause this shift? The answer is in our biological programming.
A few hundreds of thousands of years ago, being pregnant was significantly more life threatening for a female than today. Because of this vulnerability a woman started developing a need to pre screen men to be insured that she had pair-bonded with a strong male that would protect her and her child.
Males on the other hand are genetically programmed to spread seed and sleep with as many partners as possible since a man’s investment in creating a baby was over after sex.
Since then we have evolved to a society that is not solely guided by its primitive instincts. With the introduction of birth control, sex is not as life threatening to women as it used to be, and men are not mindless seed spreading creatures. Both men and women, however, still have leftovers from their ancestors’ realities to guide their subconscious minds.
Here’s some more ugly truth, and forgive me for the extreme generalization and oversimplification. A man evaluates a woman based on 20% personality and 80% looks, this is a way to measure her health and ability to carry and deliver the offspring. Females on the other hand evaluate a male based on 20% looks and 80% personality. This is their way to measure how “alpha” a man is, and how able will he be to protect and provide for her and her offspring.
This is all very nice to know but how does that explain what’s happening in the dating world?
Well since men in their 20’s are not looking to settle down you can see their biological programming in its most extreme form, they are actively seeking multiple sexual partners under the disguise of a serious relationship. The desired bachelorette (young, attractive) has unlimited options. Even girls who are not consciously looking for a serious relationship are screening hard because of the abundance of options. This creates an imbalance of more men chasing women for the purpose of casual sex while girls are trying to “lock down” an alpha male into a relationship.
Fast forward 10 year into the future.
Men are finally ready to settle down and start a family, women even more so. A large portion of men has already been snatched or settles for “physically healthy” younger women, leaving little of this scarce resource on the market. Women’s biological clock forces them to become the one actively seeking a mate, creating an imbalance in the opposite direction. The desired bachelor (established, educated, fit) is now in great demand and so he has unlimited options to chose from and he begins to see beyond looks and seeks a successful and educated woman such as himself.
Back to Reality
In reality these are just generalizations that help me rationalize a grim situation. In reality many people are aware of their instincts and are driven by their conscious mind when seeking a mate. Some women are actively searching for casual sex while some men are actively searching for a monogamous relationship. We can only be grateful that not all of us are slaves to our genetics and some of us do find that person that wants the same things as we do.
To learn more how we help successful singles find each other visit our website at www.eligon.ca
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